Parenting is demanding for everyone. There are schedules to remember, school meetings, deadlines, meals to prepare, routines to manage, and lots more. Let's face it: parenting is usually a stressful and never ending task.
For adults with ADHD, for whom executive functions (planning, organizing, prioritizing, and self-regulation) are already challenging, parenting can be even more overwhelming and draining. It makes sense, since the skills that they struggle the most with, are also the skills that parents require every single day.
The relationship between ADHD symptoms and parenting struggles (such as doubting yourself as a parent, being too critical to yourself and/or the child, and struggles to tolerate the child’s misbehavior) is well documented [1].
In general, parents with ADHD also find it more difficult to manage the child’s emotional responses, tending to be too harsh. This is believed to be a product of their own emotional regulation difficulties [2] and can sometimes trigger some parental guilt and doubts on how well you are doing as a parent.
However, the fact that ADHD makes parenting difficult to navigate or that you struggle at times, does not automatically make you a bad or negligent parent. The problem is not a lack of motivation or love. Sometimes, the environment simply requires skills that ADHD makes harder to develop.
There is also an important genetic component to ADHD. Children of parents with ADHD are more likely to have ADHD themselves [3], which means that some families are navigating ADHD from both sides.
This can create a hectic dynamic where the child's difficulties with paying attention or self regulation may trigger the parent's own difficulties, while the parent's challenges with organization and consistency can make the child's symptoms more visible and harder to manage.
It can become a vicious cycle.
Don’t rely on memory alone, use visual reminders. Use calendars and checklists. You can also use technology (apps) to keep track of all your pending tasks. Keep them handy and accessible at all times (e.g., stick them to your fridge or somewhere you won’t miss them).
Routines are your friends. Keep routines simple, intuitive, and easy to remember for both yourself and your child (i.e. they brush their teeth right after taking a bath, and then straight to bed). The fewer decisions you need to make, the better for both of you, especially at the end of a long and tiring day
Seek professional support. Being a parent is hard, regardless of ADHD. Seeking evidence based treatments, including medication, digital therapy, or cognitive-behavioural approaches, can improve ADHD symptoms and self-regulation skills [4].
Watch out for triggers. Keep an eye on those things that trigger you (hunger, noise, lack of sleep, etc.) and make emotional regulation harder. We're not gonna lie, as a parent, it might be difficult to avoid these situations, but becoming aware enough to notice you’re being triggered and treat that as a signal to pause might be a good way to prevent overwhelming situations.
Not only that. If you find self-regulation strategies that work effectively for you, they will not only help prevent difficult situations or interactions in family life, but can also turn you into a good model for your children on how to self-regulate during difficult times [5].
Divide and conquer. If you have a partner, then make that one of your strengths. You don’t need to be equally good at every task, and that's ok. List each of your strengths and divide tasks accordingly: maybe one person handles school communication while the other manages meals. The goal is to create a system that works for your family!
And finally, give yourself a break (literally and metaphorically).
Having ADHD doesn't mean you're a lousy parent. It means that some aspects of parenting may require more conscious strategies and external structure to become manageable.
Whether you're here to focus better, calm your mind, or just feel a little more in control, we’re here to support you. One game at a time.
